I've been dreading this post for a while now, because I knew it would be hard to write. However, I've never been one to hide my emotions. Over the past four years my blog has served as a creative outlet for me to reflect on the lessons the Lord has taught me, in hopes that my readers will also gain something too. I'm far from perfect, but I truly believe the Lord has been molding me closer to his image throughout my four years at A&M. Through mentors, friendships, opportunities, and many shortcomings I have graduated a stronger woman, and more solid in my faith I believe. Now I still struggle with sin, and I always will. However, I know that I am committed to living a life for the Lord and serving his people.
Yesterday I left College Station, and I cried. It wasn't one of those joyful cries where I was happy to leave, grateful for all of the memories. No, it was one of those ugly cries where your heart hurts for what you're leaving behind. Listening to songs like We Bleed Maroon and My Wish I cried for a good hour as I kept looking back in the rearview mirror.
Yesterday I left a part of my heart in that town where I have grown so much. I truly am joyful and grateful for the ways the Lord has molded me over the past four years, but that didn't make the goodbyes any easier. The saddest part for me was knowing that a majority of the people I love will be staying there for some more time, while I will move to Galveston to begin nursing school. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited about a season of life where I will have to trust in God full-heartedly for everything. For the first time I'm moving without a friend (shoutout to Lucie for being the friend I've done everything with for years), to a city where I know less than five people. I'm taking my dog and a shotgun, but I don't know if those count haha. Also, I'm sad that I'll have to cook for one and won't have to buy chocolate milk or toilet paper for any of my roommates.
I've been extremely fortunate to have the best friends in the world over the past four years. I remember praying for months before I graduated high school that the Lord would provide me with a close circle of friends who would know me, but would more importantly support and encourage me in my faith. WOW. How faithful is our God when I look at the friends I have been blessed with?! Throughout my years in college some have already moved on and graduated. Some married, and some started jobs or grad school. I remember the days they left, feeling sad and heart-broken. Yet, as yesterday was my turn to leave, I felt the heartache all over again.
Man, I sound like a crazy girlfriend writing about a breakup. I know we aren't breaking up, and we sure are not going to stop being friends. Technology will ensure that I know; but I will miss waking up every day curious if I could expect to play nertz that night at the kitchen table, or if I would lie on the couch and watch the office or parks and rec in the afternoon with my roomies.
To my friends reading this, you know who you are. Thank you. Thank you for making me a better person, for putting up with my stubbornness, for eating all of the meals I made and the groceries I bought, for giving me years of memories to look back on, but most importantly for loving me for me. Thank you taking care of me when I was sick or having an episode, and for cheering me on in every milestone event (especially that rainy half-marathon). Thank you for sharing a love for Chuy's, Layne's, and Chick-fil-a. Thank you for helping me laugh through the bad days, but for also knowing when I needed to simply cry and take a hot bath. You each took care of me in such a special way that has bettered me, and has helped me become a better friend.
Above all, thank you for being Jesus to me. Thank you for helping me build my faith, serve others, and for molding me to be more Christ-like. I now know what Proverbs 27:17 means about sharpening others. I also thank you for figuratively living out John 15:13.
This isn't a goodbye, thank goodness! Graduating is an awesome feeling, but most definitely bitter-sweet. Please remember I have a 2-bedroom apartment for just me and my dog in Galveston....so I expect visitors.
I want to end saying that I truly am excited to move to Galveston. The Lord has been so faithful to me, and I fully expect him to continue providing in a new city. As always, I will do my best to keep my blog current, but cut me some slack once nursing school starts!
Monday, May 16, 2016
Pain is inevitable in this world, and that's due to the broken nature of the world we live in. Over the past few months I come to really know that the Devil uses sin, death, and disease to war against the souls of God's children. It's heartbreaking yes, but I also take joy in knowing that the suffering we face in the world we live is only a reminder that this world is not our home.Heaven CAN and WILL sustain me, my friends, and my family through the hardships." Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." 1 Peter 4:12"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18The glory of Heaven that awaits us is unimaginable compared to the present suffering that we face in this world. Whether it is terminal cancer, a broken relationship, or failing a college class, Heaven IS better. Suffering has always been a "foreign" concept to me. As I read through the New Testament about the suffering that New Christians faced and the persecution they endured for their faith, I always found it hard to think of my inconvenient/upsetting life circumstances as suffering. When it comes to the hardships you face at school, or when your new car breaks down, would you consider those circumstances suffering? Hardly not.However, while my circumstances may not compare to the sufferings of others around me, that doesn't mean these circumstances don't inflict pain or that they are easy to deal with. I've come to learn that my problems, my friends' problems, or the problems of the girl's I counsel cannot be compared. What hurts me, may not hurt them, or vice-versa. There is commonality between my suffering and the suffering around me though, and that is that the Devil will use that suffering to drive a wedge between us and God. So I count it joy when I face hardships, or suffering, when I face bad grades, or when my new car sits in the shop for 3.5 weeks, because when things go wrong it keeps me uncomfortable. Now I am not writing to tell you I don't get upset, or hurt, or take things easily. Let's be honest, I get frustrated frequently! But there are days, much like today, where I take joy in knowing that the bad things are a reminder that this world is not my home. I look forward with great joy to the Kingdom of Heaven, where there will be no tears, no fear of the unknown future of the challenges nursing school holds, or bad grades. The thought of Heaven sustains me.