Saturday, July 19, 2014
Seven weeks behind me and three to go. Even now I find it hard to believe just how quickly the weeks have come and gone. It makes me sad to think the majority of my summer lies in the past, but even then, I think of all the wonderful things God has done for camp, for my campers, and for me and I am filled with satisfaction and joy. While my cup overflows with joy, at the same time I find myself asking why too. Why do my campers have to go back to crummy home lives with parents that hurt them? Why did I have only 8 days to teach a camper about Jesus when she had never heard his name before? Why do I listen and cry with campers over broken lives, and imaginable pain? Why do these things and more happen? Why does it hurt me so much to hear, listen, and help my campers carry these burdens? Why do I have such a limited time with my campers and then have to send them back to the cruel, broken world where they struggle and fight temptation, the same world that I too fear returning too? Then I ask myself, "why do I question God?" What right do I have to ask 'why?' when my God has called me to trust Him and he has entrusted me with this wonderful opportunity and these campers? When the times get hard, I have to take a minute to remember that I am not alone. I remind myself that the cross signifies the suffering of the world. I remind myself that my Lord sent his only Son to die on the cruel cross. I remember that no one can look at God and ask why he doesn't understand our pain, because he too knows what it is like to suffer. He too has suffered with us, and has experienced pain. His only Son was separated from him, and in a firsthand experience, God watched as his Son died on a cruel cross to atone for our sins. God knows what suffering is. The cross is a testimony, a living example, that it is not sinful to be in pain. Even upon the cross Jesus called out, "Why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46) If Christ called out, then is it wrong if I call out too? Is it a horrible thing for me to ask why, to ask God to make his purpose known to me? I also can't help but think of Job. A man who lost everything, a man who knows what true suffering is. I think of his example, and how even through suffering God redeemed him. So with all of this said, I don't feel as guilty for asking why. Instead I think of 'why' as a way for me to search for God's purpose in all things. I think of 'why' as a way for me to sympathize and be compassionate, because if I didn't ask why, would I even be doing a good job? If I didn't ask 'why' would I truly be doing my best to help my campers, because when I ask why I find myself turning to the Lord. I turn to the Lord and while I will never know why, I do find comfort in knowing that God knows what it feels like. He knows what suffering is, and to me that is of greatest comfort.