Thursday, September 26, 2013

Difficult Devotion

Let me just start out by saying that I think we all struggle with devoting ourselves fully, without reservation to God. Maybe you don't, but I do. I struggle to be content with God and God alone. I struggle to put my full trust in Him, though I try to every day. I struggle with releasing the reins of my life to God, to allow him to steer me in the right direction. I struggle to devote my entire heart to my Creator, the one who not only formed me, but predestined me to serve his kingdom. It's difficult for me to admit that I struggle with this, because I like to fool myself into thinking that by going to church, reading my bible, and praying that I'm truly devoting myself to God, when really there is so much more than simply going through the motions.

A month ago I began telling my friends that I wasn't dating, I was devoting. I'm devoting time to God, just like I would if I were going on dates. I'm dancing with God, dining with Him, listening and conversing with him frequently. I'm trying to pray to God as often as I text my best friends in my group thread on my phone. I'm trying to create this intimate relationship with the one that created me. I'm trying to fall in love with God all over again. I believe I was there at one point. I was so wrapped up in God that I didn't think of trying to please anyone else. He came first in everything I did and said and since then I've drifted from this closeness with God. I WANT to have it back. I want to have the undivided devotion for God again, but it hasn't been easy. It is so difficult not to be distracted by the ways of the world, but if it's worth having, it's worth working for. So I continue to work at this 'devotion' to God. I fail daily, but I'm striving towards a relationship with God where I feel enveloped with his fullness and goodness. I want to be in love with God, so in love that I don't have to think about it, but I can feel it every moment of every day. The past month hasn't been easy for a number of reasons. There's times when I feel lonely as I watch my friends get engaged and plan weddings, or the times where I feel like no one will ever appreciate me or love me the way God does, but regardless of any feelings I have, I'm turning to God. I'm learning to not only be content, but to be at peace with my relationship with God. What a beautiful love story that I am beginning to fall in love with my Creator all over again?